Friday, November 4, 2011

Tantra sex - Chapter 4: Sex and Spirit – Reuniting Heaven and Earth



“Those who realize true wisdom, rapt within
this clear awareness, see me as the universe’s
origin, imperishable. All their words and all
their actions issue from the depths of worship;
held in my embrace, they know me as a woman
knows her lover.”
—The Bhagavad Gita
“There are two kinds of love. Our love. God’s
love. But God makes both kinds of them.”


—Jenny, age 4
As children, we were both intensely passionate about God. Raised
as a Roman Catholic, Al found a spiritual home in the church, devoutly
performing the duties of altar boy and praying to be a priest some day.
Every Sunday, with her parents and siblings, Pala absorbed the Christian
message at St. Columba’s Anglican Church. There, in adolescent


fervor, inspired by her mother’s faith and the promise in God’s words,
she ached to become a missionary, to spread salvation around the globe.
At the same time, we were feeling the effects of another need as
powerful as our spiritual longing—the inherent sexuality of our bodies.
From the moment of his earliest memories Al had been enamored of
girls, taking every respectful opportunity he could to kiss and caress
them. Pala was compelled by the sensual pleasure of touch—as a young
girl through the mystery and excitement of playing doctor with other
neighborhood children, then in her early teens by discovering the exquisite
euphoria of masturbation.
Throughout our youths and into adulthood we each explored the
intriguing byways of these two elemental forces—spirit and sex. But
they were always quite distinct aspects of life, or so we were told and so
we believed, at least on the rational plane. Yet somewhere deep in the
knowing center of our selves was the awareness that in fact they are
united, for early in our life together we encountered a profound spiritual
fulfillment conceived through loving, liberated sex. Likewise we
experienced the astonishing pleasures of a sexuality elevated by spiritual
awareness.
Although we now live a reality of integrated sex and spirit, most
others, particularly in the Western world, do not. Yes, there are eloquent
arguments for separating the two, but primarily they are based
on fear, not free will. The power of sex has overwhelmed humanity since
our earliest days. The raw aching need it provokes, the vulnerability
and loss of control it demands, the mystical heights it propels us to, not
to mention its undeniable connection to survival of the human race,
create such turmoil that societies from ancient Egypt to modern America


feel obliged to contain it.
Sex in History
“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old,
seek what they sought.”
—Basho, Zen Poet
“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex,
there is an important lesson to be learned.
Don’t have sex with the authorities.”
—Matt Groening
Degrees of sexual license have varied from culture to culture across
the centuries, but for the most part, unwritten societal mores and officially
prescribed regulations regarding sexual conduct have been oppressive
to say the least. Just about every sexual practice, from simple touch
between men and women to choice of sexual partner, from all manner of
foreplay to particular styles of intercourse, have been banned at one time
or another. Punishments for perceived sexual transgressions range from
mild ostracism to imprisonment and physical mutilation to death.
Women particularly have borne, and in most cultures continue to bear,
the brunt of sex-repressing beliefs. The ancient Hebrews stoned women
to death for adultery. Early Romans could kill their wandering women as
well. Later they were simply obliged to divorce them, as were husbands in
classical Greece. Europeans kept their women from straying by the use
of chastity belts, which first appeared there during the 12th century and
became quite popular during the 1400s and 1500s. Even in today’s socalled
civilized times sexual horrors, purportedly in the name of decency,
are rampant. Amongst the most pervasive of these is female genital mutilation.
According to Amnesty International, approximately 135 million
girls and women have been subjected to this barbaric practice that ranges
from clitoridectomy—removal of all or part of the clitoris—to infibulation.
The most brutal form of mutilation, infibulation includes clitoridectomy,
removal of the inner vaginal lips, and fastening the outer lips
together to form a barrier over the vagina. Excuses for female genital
mutilation run from maintaining cultural tradition to enhancing a girl’s
femininity, from ensuring fidelity to guaranteeing cleanliness.1
Secular approaches to sex are inextricably linked with a culture’s
prevailing religious beliefs. Religious thinkers have long pondered the
role sexual urges play in relation to humanity’s spiritual life, and most
have determined that the one is a definite obstacle to the other. Few,
primarily Taoists and Tantricas, have entertained the idea that sex can
be an actual gateway for spiritual awakening. Some religions, including
Judaism, Islam, and modern Hinduism, consider sex a distraction from


spiritual attainment but tolerate it, within strict confines, as a necessary
and even pleasurable duty to be performed as part of a reverent lay
person’s life. Others, most notably Christianity, denounced sex, not just
as a diversion to rise above, but as a truly damning pastime.
Christianity, more than any other force, has profoundly influenced
Western society’s relationship to sex. Its intensely anti-sex viewpoint
has less basis in the actual scriptures than it does in the personal struggles
of a handful of early churchmen. As Anais Nin says, “We do not see
things as they are. We see them as we are.” During the 4th and 5th
centuries, Fathers of the Church such as St. Augustine and St. Jerome,
repentant of their formerly active sex lives but still tormented by desire,
decided that sex, because of its uncontrollable power, was wicked. St.
Augustine, the same St. Augustine who prayed, “Lord give me
chastity…but not yet,” reinterpreted Adam and Eve’s fall from grace in
the garden of Eden, changing it from an act of simple disobedience to
disobedience fueled by lust. Through his arguments, sex evolved from a
troublesome distraction away from the godly path into a sin that infected
all of humanity.2
Although the majority of Christian religions dramatically redefined
their position on sex during the latter part of the 20th century, the oppressive
weight of 1,600 years equating sex with sin confines our culture’s
current perceptions. Even as sex is now more openly displayed, more
freely accessible, and almost obsessively examined, on a grand societal
scale it remains at heart soul-less—separate, fleeting, and essentially
physical. While sex may be an expression of genuine love, it is just as
often a means to gain power, a bargaining tool for self-worth, a routine
tension release, or a hedonistic escape. Sex may feel good, but for many,
down deep it is still bad, as is most pleasure.
Even though the pursuit of pleasure is part of the American dream—
an unassailable right—it is a guilt-ridden hunt, filtered through the
notion that what comes from the body or pleases the body is against
the soul. People are caught between choosing one or the other—diving
headlong into hedonism—where only pleasure is important and all else
falls by the wayside—or denying themselves pleasure to save the spirit.
It is understandable that in order to explain why there is such suffering
in the world religion needed a scapegoat and was able to easily find one
in the arbitrary willfulness of the flesh. The body was seen as unruly,
shameful, and unworthy, so of course it should suffer. The way to salvation
therefore is to focus on your spiritual side, sublimating or rising
above physical wants so that you can escape the prison and pain of life.
Many have come to spiritual peace and awakening through just such a
path. But there is also another route, albeit not often traveled, that


allows for a different perspective.
Pleasure as Healer
“Men are admitted into Heaven not because they have
curbed and govern’d their passions or have no passions,
but because they have cultivated their understandings.”
—William Blake
This path asserts that our task here on this worldly plane is to manifest
the soul through the body, to bring out the Divine by truly uniting
our physical and spiritual selves. You set your soul free by celebrating
your body, not by denying it. Pleasure then becomes a universal, uplifting
and healing experience that brings you closer to each other and to God,
not an individual craving that sets you apart and drives you deeper into
selfishness. Indeed, in this view it is the absence of pleasure that brings
about suffering. For instance, developmental neuropsychologist James
W. Prescott advanced the theory that deprivation of bodily pleasure
has a direct impact on the amount of warfare and interpersonal violence.
“The reciprocal relationship between pleasure and violence is
such that one inhibits the other; when physical pleasure is high, physical
violence is low. When violence is high, pleasure is low. This basic
premise…provides us with the tools necessary to fashion a world of
peaceful, affectionate, cooperative individuals.”3 Sacred sexuality is one
of those tools. By reuniting these two most powerful motivators—spirit
and sex—we can heal the damage their separation has caused…..





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