Friday, November 4, 2011

Soul Sex Tantra Chapter 1: Relationship as Spiritual Practice

“Someday, after we have mastered the winds,
the waves, the tide and gravity, we shall harness
for God the energies of love. Then, for the
second time in the history of the world, man
will have discovered fire.”
—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Our extraordinary sexual pleasure and intense mystical connection
continued to grow as we went deeper into our Tantric practice. We progressed
steadily, but unevenly, along our sacred sex path—sometimes
making great strides forward, other times falling back. Although our
personal vitality and individual learning capacity affected our headway,
the most noticeable influence came from the state of our relationship.
When we were in sync emotionally and feeling good about each other,
we could often reach the heights of bliss. If issues arose between us or if
one of us was preoccupied with something else, the magic would not
Tantra stresses the importance of conscious awareness and intention,
as well as opening your heart. As we focused on becoming more
aware, we saw that our lives outside the bedroom had a huge impact on
what occurred in it. We realized that if we wanted to connect totally in
our Tantric sex, we had to make our relationship the best it could be—
all the time. After talking it over carefully, we decided to make our
relationship the most important thing in our lives. The only thing of
greater importance is our individual connection with the Divine, but
because our relationship is also our spiritual path, this does not create a
conflict. It is through our relationship that we come to God and give
love to the world. Putting our intention into practice—daily remembering
and acting on our importance to each other—visibly accelerated
our mastery of Tantric skills. As you commence your own sacred loving
journey, your best possible starting point rests in a relationship that is your
top priority.
When we say our relationship is the most important thing, we mean
that it takes precedence over our work, our children, our family and
friends, our community, and our own needs to control or to be right.
This does not mean that those other things are not important to us or
that we ignore them. We are not promoting ego à deux, wherein we
become so absorbed with one another that we lose concern for anyone
or anything else. On the contrary, when we give more to each other, we
have more to give the world. When our relationship is strong and vital,
all aspects of our lives benefit because we have more patience, stamina,
and enthusiasm.

How Important Is Your Relationship?
“Time is a created thing. To say, ‘I do not have time’ is
like saying, ‘I do not want to.’”
—Betty Elliot
Ninety-three percent of Americans say they hope to form a lasting,
happy union with one person.1 Perhaps you also long for a fulfilling
relationship. If you do, what really matters is not what you say or what
you think you believe, but what your behavior demonstrates. Many
couples tell us, “Oh yes, our relationship is the most important thing,”
and in the next breath add, “but we cannot find time for each other in
our busy lives.” Careers, children, community, and individual needs may
often seem overwhelming in their immediate demands for time and
attention. All too frequently, the primary relationship takes second place.
As we explore these aspects of life that can draw attention away from
your relationship, do you recognize any of your own behaviors?
Career: There is no getting around having to pay the rent. Most of us do
have to work to earn a living, and career choices are undeniably some
of the most important decisions we make. However, is your career more
important than your relationship?
People begin their careers wanting to be successful, to achieve advancement,
and gain recognition. Competition with others can be severe,
even ruthless. Therefore, you work very hard, putting in lots of hours.
Perhaps there is stress involved, and you may become anxious and
worried and begin to take it out on your partner. Alternatively, maybe
your creative juices are flowing, and you are so wrapped up in the process
that you cannot let it go. You begin to think about your work all
the time and start to bring it home with you. On the other hand, perhaps
you are a small business entrepreneur in a home office, and the
job never leaves.
Another possible scenario is that you may not really like your work,
but you absolutely need the income. You have chosen a standard of
living that requires toys—computers, DVD recorders, digital cameras,
sport vehicles—and you have run up debts. Now you have no choice but
to work even harder, and the relationship suffers.
Maybe you know people, we certainly do, who have been in this
situation: Career is everything. They seem to be living to work rather
than working to live, and then suddenly their lover dies or simply leaves
the relationship. Only then do they realize what their priorities have
been and what it has really cost them. In the face of the loss of their
love, the work that was so important does not mean anything anymore—
they may not even go to work. The toys they had to have now mean

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