Dear doctor, I am a 28 year old man. When I have sex, I cannot cum, even after trying for more than 40 minutes. However, when I fantasize with internet pornography, I can ejaculate within 10 minutes. I take very good care of my health and have no other issues. What is my problem? How can I fix this problem?
Answer for the Impatient: You are having a condition called Delayed Ejaculation. Unless you use a special masturbation technique, it is very likely that your problem is psychological. You could be:
1) Not attracted to your wife.
2) Have anger, grief, and resentment towards her.
3) Having other psychological problems including dissociation, Sexual repression, etc.
You should see a sex therapist to resolve this issue.
Detailed Answer:
Delayed Ejaculation is a condition where the male is not able to ejaculate even after 30 minutes of active thrusting of the penis. Delayed ejaculation has many aliases includingAnorgasmia, Retarded Ejaculation, and Ejaculatory Incompetence.
Causes of Delayed Ejaculation are of two types (1) Physical and (2) Psychological.
Physical Causes:
There are very few physical causes for delayed ejaculation. They are
a) A special masturbation technique, which does not have any similarity to the action of sexual intercourse. If you are used to such a special technique, then sexual intercourse may not produce ejaculation as seems very different from your way of ejaculation.
b) Drug addiction or alcoholism
c) Prescribed Medication can cause delayed ejaculation as a side effect. This is especially true, if you are being treated for psychological problems, as the mood altering drugs will cause delayed ejaculation.
d) Recent Masturbation. If you masturbated recently before having sexual intercourse, this could happen.
e) Neurological Disease such as stroke or nerve damage can cause delayed ejaculation.
Psychological Causes:
a) Not attracted to your partner’s body.
b) Sleep deprivation.
c) Suppressed anger, hatred, resentment, frustration towards your partner.
d) Suppressed or Sub Conscious homosexuality.
e) Worries including financial or marital stress.
f) Anxiety to sexually please your partner.
g) Fear of perceived sexual issues such as a small penis, curved penis, etc.
h) Psychological Trauma. For example, knowing that your partner has an affair, etc.
i) Early sexual repression, by very strict parenting or staunch religious practices.
j) The ejaculation can be further delayed if the partner constantly enquires about his ejaculation problem, instead of making him feel relaxed.
Determining if the problem is physical or mental:
- A vast majority of delayed ejaculation issues are caused by psychological issues, and physical causes for this problem only represent a very small percentage.
- You can determine for yourself if your delayed ejaculation is caused by physical or psychological issues.
- Simply, find an isolated place without any disturbances, and masturbate with your hand using an up and down motion.
- If you were able to ejaculate within about 20 minutes, there is nothing wrong with your body, and it is a psychological issue.
- If you were not able to ejaculate even after masturbating for more than 30 minutes, then the cause could be physical.
Treatment
If your condition is due to physical causes, consult a doctor and get your body checked. The treatment could include stopping the medication you are already using, quitting drinking, etc.
If you problem is caused by psychological issues, you and your partner should approach a sex therapist. The sex therapist will try to get to the underlying issues and try to alleviate any ill feelings or marital issues.
There are two popular techniques used by Sex Therapists for Delayed Ejaculation:
Technique 1:
a) The man is asked to masturbate in front of the woman, and he must ejaculate in front of her. This may not be so easy for the male, but this is the first step.
b) After a few more sessions like this, the woman must masturbate the man, with her hands, and it must also end in ejaculation. The woman must be patient, even if the man cannot ejaculate for more than an hour. She must persist until he ejaculates.
c) Gradually, after a few more sessions of step (b), she can use oral sex to make him ejaculate.
d) After a few sessions of step (c), the woman can slowly move closer, making him ejaculate on various parts of her body, and finally on her vagina. After this step, the couple can move to having sexual intercourse, and the man is encouraged to ejaculate inside her.
Technique 2:
Masters and Johnson, the world famous expert couple on sex, suggest a different technique:
a) For a certain period of time, the couple is not allowed to have sexual intercourse. However, caressing, petting and deep kissing are allowed.
b) After this period, the woman masturbates the man with her hands, until the point where he is very near orgasm.
c) Then, the woman sits on top of the man, and has intercourse, making him ejaculate inside her vagina.
In cases where delayed ejaculation cannot be cured, many couples seek artificial insemination as a way to have babies. It is very important that these couples get counseling periodically to cope with their stressful sex life.
No comments:
Post a Comment