Some people look at it as a 'little white lie' when they're not quite able to climax during sex, perhaps to spare their partner’s ego when their performance might be otherwise perceived to be unsuccessful. Worryingly, some fake simply to get sex over with! But the fact of the matter remains that a faked orgasm happens far more often than one might realize...
What is a fake orgasm?
Having a fake orgasm is the act of pretending to reach climax when in fact the person has not. The individual who is simulating an orgasm will act out certain apparently enthusiastic behaviors that normally indicate orgasm, such as rapid breathing, vocalizing pleasure (via moans, screams, etc.), hair tossing, and gyration of the hips. Individuals who feign climax might also simulate an intensification of pleasure and a subsequent release, as an extra indication that they have ‘come’.
A humorous discussion of the topic of fake orgasms can be seen in the romantic movie, ‘When Harry Met Sally’; in the coffee shop scene where Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal were arguing over the fact that he was certain no woman had ever faked-it with him. Meg Ryan delivered one of the best, most highly believable on-screen examples of a fake orgasm, highlighting the fact that it can be extremely difficult to distinguish between a real and fake one.
Who fakes it, how often?
There are a number of surveys and studies reporting an alarming amount of faking, with nearly half of female respondents admitting that they've feigned the ‘Big O’ at least once in their lives:
- The Journal of Sexual Medicine conducted a survey among college aged women and found that 67% of their sample pool reported faking an orgasm during intercourse.
- A recently released British study that interviewed 71 women aged between 18 and 48 found that 25% of the sample faked pleasure sounds 90 percent of the time - faking pleasure during foreplay as well as during vaginal intercourse. The primary reason behind their faked enjoyment was so they could get sex over with.
- A survey conducted by Glamour magazine showed similar results. Also, of the 1500 women who participated in the research, only 28% said they could Orgasm from penetration alone. Most respondents needed a little something extra to come; 38% said they had to have manual stimulation, 21% needed oral sex, and 3% needed a vibrator.
- But don't think that men don't fake orgasms either. Polls and surveys show that a smaller percentage of men fake it too, which is made easier to do convincingly with the use of condoms. One web poll conducted by a popular men's website showed that as many as fifty percent of men have admitted to faking an Orgasm, at least once in their lives.
- A random telephone poll conducted in 2004 by ABC News Primetime revealed that out of the 1501 adult questioned, 11% of men reported faking it.
Reasons for faking orgasm
Many people have a hang-up, trigger or worry that can impact personal relationships - and unfortunately, these issues can also spill over into the bedroom. When a person feels like they need to fake an orgasm, it is usually a matter of them not communicating something - be it an emotional barrier, or simply a lack of being in a sexual mood.
A very common scenario that causes many men and women to fake orgasm is operating under the assumption that mutual, simultaneous orgasms are supposed to just happen - when in fact they aren't actually that common at all! People also hold on to an unrealistic belief that they are supposed to climax during intercourse, when in reality they forget to account for neither the variation in peoples' bodies, nor the uniqueness in their own sexual response.
Men and women share many other reasons when it comes to faking it, including:
- Being unable to get into the right frame of mind for sex because of stress, distraction or fatigue.
- Worrying that they're taking too long to climax.
- Feeling that sex isn't satisfying and/or engaging due to a sexual and/or relationship conflict.
- Experiencing too much pressure to climax, that ultimately can inhibit one's ability to do so.
- Feeling obligated to please a partner (some people are so concerned when they can’t bring their partner to ‘ecstasy’ that the other person fakes to make them feel good about their lovemaking abilities and to avoid hurting their feelings).
- The use of medication that inhibits one's physical ability to come during intercourse (e.g. SSRI antidepressants).
- Medical ailments like diabetes or certain neurological conditions.
Downsides of faking it
Other than for reasons such as trauma or physical disability, orgasm is possible for practically anybody - but the road to climax will differ from person to person … and sometimes doesn't involve intercourse at all! When an individual feels conflict about their particular sexual needs, they may experience pressure, shame or embarrassment - and rather than bringing up a topic that feels uncomfortable, they choose to avoid the problem and just go through the motions with their sexual partner.
Granted, some individuals find value in employing this strategy when it's a rare or one-off situation, and their intentions for doing so aren't necessarily malicious; but those who fake it on a regular basis are cheating themselves from enjoying truly fulfilling sexual experiences. Rather than coming up with strategies to improve their overall experience with pleasure, many don't speak up and let the problem fester. Sadly, covering up problems in the bedroom may lead some to seek sexual satisfaction outside of a relationship and/or break it off entirely. Ultimately, individuals who employ this method of dealing with barriers to sexual pleasure may find that it ends up creating more problems in the end.
Final thoughts
If 'faking it' has been an issue in your relationship, then it's best to start communicating. For the faking partner, explore the reasons why you choose to feign pleasure with your lover, rather than just admitting that orgasm isn't going to happen at that moment. For the partner who's being 'faked out', be respectful of your lover's concerns and try not put pressure on them to come every time. The important thing is to enjoy the sexual experience and not to overly-focus on the orgasm itself … certainly not to the point of faking the experience. Women especially can enjoy great sex, with or without an orgasm, and should never feel pressure to fake - whether self-imposed or otherwise. If the sex is good and enjoyed in its own right, that is what matters most … and the (real) orgasm will often follow.
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